![]() | |||
|
|
|||
|
READER QUESTION: Our beautiful baby daughter is lucky to have two fabulous grandparents (my husbands parents) who absolutely adore her. However they think it is fun to sit my 16 month old daughter on their lap in the driver's seat of their car so she can reach the steering wheel, then drive up and down the road (deserted cul-de-sac) with her. She thinks it's great, the grandparents enjoy it, and hubby thinks it's funny. I don't want them doing it as I think it is unsafe. Am I just being paranoid or, if not, how do I go about making this stop? I have voiced my opinion and wishes but just get shrugged off by both my husband and the grandparents as being 'silly' because 'it's harmless'. On a similar vein, when they want to take her somewhere, my husband puts her car seat in their car, but the fixtures do not seem to do up as securely in their car as ours, and the car seat can move quite a bit more than the kidsafe recommendations. I express that it is unsafe and don't want her to be taken anywhere in it like that, but again just get told 'we won't have an accident' and to 'relax' as my daughter will enjoy going out with her grandparents. I am happy for my daughter to go with her grandparents, I just want the car seat fitted properly so it is safe and doesn't wobble. None of us 'plan' to have accidents! How do I get heard and keep my daughter safe without offending the nicest grandparents in the world and without anyone else backing me up? I have tried asking and explaining on many occasions to no avail. Melissa The Queensland Government states: Children over one and under 16 should be restrained by an appropriate Standards-Australia-approved child restraint (for example, a child seat, booster seat or child safety harness) or seatbelt that is properly fastened and adjusted. The driver's responsibility I feel very strongly about car safety, and given the current traffic regulations, so does law enforcement. Regardless of whether your in-laws believe they will never have an accident, or whether your husband thinks it is fun, or whether your daughter is enjoying it (which I’m sure she is!), it is illegal to transport a child in anything other than an appropriate car seat. And that is where your boundary needs to be. There should be a blanket rule against transporting your daughter without a car seat. There are two reasons for this: The first is the obvious reason of providing protection to your daughter in the event of an accident. The second reason is to create a boundary with your daughter, one where she knows that, when she’s in the car she sits in the car seat. If she learns (and believe me she’s learning quickly at this age) that there is room for doubt or manipulation, she will start resisting sitting in the car seat. You will need to use a car seat for a very long time, so you don’t want to create the situation where your daughter is going to have a tantrum each time you try to strap her in. This will not affect your in-laws, but will create a lot of frustration and time-wasting for you. I believe this issue has implications beyond the car seat. It is a concern when there is little regard for your beliefs about the best way to raise your daughter. There will likely be many more battles to be fought over the issue of control. If you don’t stand firm now, you will forever be giving in, probably mostly on small matters, but what about the big issues such as boys, sex and alcohol when your daughter is older. It is important to think of the longer term implications and the potential cost to your family. As your daughter’s mother, you always have her best interests at heart, regardless of whether this might offend someone else. Herein lies the challenge. If you find that you continue to struggle with this issue, I would suggest speaking to a Psychologist about assertiveness training and to give your support in enforcing your wishes. Good luck! |
![]()